Someone said to me the other day that I was the funniest person they had ever met.
Wow.. what a compliment.
Then they turned me down for the loan. Bank managers.. pah. lol.
Joking aside, they did really say it. I have always thought I was funny but now it’s backed up by other people telling me.
I now have social proof! All this could go to my head. I’m brilliant and gifted.
Funny site this one. In the early days it was quite an interesting dating site but then they tried to vamp it up and totally ruined it. Pretty does not equal easy to use. I went to log onto it a couple of months ago only to find it had met its maker. As far as FREE dating sites go, in its day it was okay until they messed with it ( isn’t that always the way ).
The trouble with the plethora of free dating sites now is that most of the people on them look like they are sponsored by Jeremy Kyle. You’ve either got 2-6 kids in the equation, then the obligatory “why are all men players” lines in the profiles as they stand there in suspenders saying their favorite thing is s*x and their ex called Paul ( incidentally that’s another pet hate of mine… “Favorite Person: Paul… Ideal Partner: Paul… Makes Me Happy: Paul… Makes Me Sad: Not being with Paul. For christs sake just delete your profile and spend time with Paul instead of writing about him. ) I mean gee, what do they expect? And then, well, the quality just isn’t there. lol
I sound so fussy but common sense tells me all the good/nice/normal women are dating using paid sites or, dare I say it, not having to use them at all ( aint that the clincher ). A single woman with no kids that is reasonably attractive is not going to have any shortage of interest. That song “I dont want no scrubs” has just started playing in my head and to be honest I totally can’t blame them. Why use weed killer and end up dating someone with a baseball cap on back to front who can’t afford a newspaper let alone read one unless it’s “The Sun” when you can date someone who has a job, understands the English language and wants more out of his life than a roll up and a can of Special Brew.
I know these are generalisations but how far off the mark are they really? Not too far in my opinion
I just took a long personality test. This is what the results say about me:
You are a NEGOTIATOR / explorer
You are a big thinker. You easily take the large, long view of almost any topic. You are comfortable juggling myriad facts. You tend to synthesize material easily and to think in webs of factors, not straight lines. You are imaginative and enjoy theorizing.
You are also socially savvy. You are good at both talking and listening. And you generally read people’s faces, body postures and tone of voice accurately, so you tend to intuitively understand what people want and need.
You are also highly compassionate. You care deeply about others. So you sometimes make personal sacrifices to be a supportive friend or colleague. And you like to work to improve the world.
You enjoy new ideas and novel experiences. You are flexible, affable and open to adventure. And you admire impulsive, spontaneous people, despite your tendency to plan ahead.
You dislike conflict. You seek “win-win” solutions. And with your skill as a negotiator, you adeptly bring peace to the chaotic world around you. You are a warm, insightful and often exciting companion.
Explorer, 26%: Known for high energy, high creativity and spontaneity. Seeks novelty, risk and pleasure. Intellectually curious and not easily swayed by opinion.
Negotiator, 28%: Excels at seeing the big picture, long-term planning and consensus building. An intuitive thinker who is flexible, verbal and socially skilled. Imaginative, empathetic and nurturing.
Are the best things in life free? Well, not quite. There’s a price to pay for everything but you don’t need tons of money to have a happy life. Chasing the material things like Aston Martins, fancy houses and diamond encrusted bling watches is confusion marketing at its best. Am I saying those things are bad? Well, no I’m not, but they are bad if you think they alone will make you happy. You see, my view is that there’s nothing wrong with liking beautiful things. People are attracted to beauty but they run into trouble when they kid themselves that being draped in gold and having all of the finest things in life will make them a happy person.
Life is all about people, it’s about relationships with others and being fulfilled in what you do. There’s nothing better than a good conversation or being ‘in the zone’ with something you are doing. It costs nothing to catch up with friends, to have a good conversation or a laugh. I won’t lie, I do like nice things so don’t call me a hypocrite if I ever do buy a Porsche or return home with an overpriced watch. The difference, though, is that I’d never buy those things thinking I was better than anybody else or in the held belief that this *thing* would make me complete as a person. Anyone that thinks this is totally misguided.
An empty swanky pad has no heart or soul, but people do. People are what it’s all about. That’s what life is all about. Money then, well it just gives us more choices. Money is a fabulous buyer of time and choices. When you have money you have the time do what you want when you want to do it. Since we are all blessed with a finite amount of time in our lives, then surely it makes sense to acquire money so we don’t have to do things that we don’t find fulfilling. That, dear reader, is the point of having money in your life. The enlightened time manager understands this and doesn’t exchange their time for money at an hourly rate like most of the population do. Chasing the carrot is fine as long as you know you are doing it.
The funny thing is most people say they want to win the lottery but they aren’t actually sure why they want to win it. What will they get from winning that amount of money? Do they really know? I mean, really? I wonder how many people have ever sat down and wrote out a list of what they want from their life. I don’t know anybody that has ever done this but I did it the other week and let me tell you it’s really hard to come up with 50 things and then give them a priority. It makes you think a lot about what’s really important.
Yesterday I had the good fortune to try out the Mango, Lemongrass and Coconut smoothie drink by Innocence which is as lush as a cute blonde in a strawberry field on a Summers day. Of course this is just my opinion, try it for yourself
The title of this post has nothing to do with its content, it’s a title from a book by Ray Bradbury which triggered something off in me. I kinda like that… “We’ll Always Have Paris”. However, in the UK that wouldn’t work nearly so well. Granted, you could have “We’ll Always Have Inner City London”, but that just doesn’t cut it unless it’s a book about a gangster and his moll. Even worse, “We’ll Always Have Torquay” or “We’ll Always Have Morecambe” amply demonstrates my point ( no offence to morecambe or torquay residents of course! )
I think there is a doctor nearby with a big well he’s made and filled it with “Prozac for birds”, because the avarian population around here are just far too noisy and enthusiastic. One even flew into my window the other day in the early hours of the morning. After realising I wasn’t being attacked by a terrorist I was relieved to discover it was just a kamikaze pigeon. I wonder if pigeons are like mockingbirds? In which case that would explain a lot. Revenge is a bird dish best served cold?
I also had the most absurd dream the other day. These seemingly normal people in my dream all turned into zombies. Martin Clunes was in my dream and he was having absolutely none of it until the chief zombie just came along and touched his neck. As oppose to this being a zombie courting ritual it actually rendered him immobile and useless. I had another character in my dream that was like Vera Duckworth. She seemed to see the funny side to the whole zombie infestation and I even laughed at some of her jokes in my dream. It was only when I woke up that I realised I had been laughing at my own jokes. Yes, I do laugh at my own jokes, even in MY bloody dreams. Lol my condition must be incurable but at least in my dreams nobody else has to hear them.
No, I’m not talking about the two-legged variety to which this slang term is applied, I’m talking about the type with ruffled feathers and a penchant for gathering twigs. It’s been proven that Mockingbirds do actually bear a grudge. If they feel threatened in any way, they make a mental note of this and if they see you again they will remember and attack you. So be warned, don’t upset the two-legged or the feathered variety. Hell hath no fury like a Mockingbird scorned. Or something.
I haven’t got much time. Why am I writing about birds?
People are mad about Johnny Hormone by the way. It must be all the club reps types, he seems to be a bit of a legend. What is he doing these days? ( feel free to comment - all comments about prescription substances will be deleted though ).
It’s been a while since I last posted on here. My time is getting sucked up quicker than a person in a mental asylum running after people with a high powered vacuum cleaner.
I still keep having funny dreams. The other day I dreamt a woman was following me and kept hanging out in cafes on the brow of a hill. My dream did not allude to anything more than this. So in essence I suppose my dream was about a female stalker that liked strong coffee and a nice view, most probably because binoculars are more effective from such a vantage point
I am enjoying the weather which is glorious and breezy at the moment, but can’t believe it’s already the weekend. I was doing deadlifts the other day in the gym and one thing I’ve noticed I do now which I never used to, is manly grunts and occasional clapping. I like to think I am just expressing myself, but the other day I think I actually frightened 3 women standing behind me. Well, 2 of them. One of them rhetorically asked, “Was that you making all that noise?” which spurred the other one to say, “Work harder, keep going”… so I think she was secretly turned on more than anything else.
Right, gotta go.. busy, busy. Until next time
Funny isn’t it? When you are healthy and vibrant you focus on the things that will make you happy like progression, people and what you want to achieve. Relatively trivial ( in the grand scheme ) things take on a greater sense of importance such as money, toothpaste and fairy washing up liquid ( okay I ran out of ideas after money lol ). Okay, let’s try again.. money, holidays and free time. There we go.
As soon as you feel ill though, all of these things go completely out of the window. There is only one thing in your life that matters at this point and it’s feeling well again. A couple of days ago I developed an acute pain in the right of my back coupled with an intense pulsating headache ( in my head, strangely enough ). At first I dismissed it, because I have a fairly good pain threshold, but after a while I was like, “This pain is getting worse I hope it’s nothing serious”. At the height of the pain I had images of going into hospital. I quickly found out that when you discuss your pain with others, they make you feel worse. “Could be your gall bladder”, one said. Gee, thanks for the reassurance and support. Another said, “May be just a kidney stone passing through”. WTF? Passing through? My body isn’t a scale model of a canal in Venice. Kidney stones should keep themselves to themselves.
I even started to think, “Do I drink too much alcohol? When this subsides I am going to cut down even more”. lol. Because I am plain crazy, to challenge my ailment I went to the gym and trained my back ( yes you read that correctly ) and then I did a big run. I am nothing, if not stubborn. This did actually make me feel better, barring the mild throbbing ( yes, throbbing ) in my head during my exercise. Training whilst ill isn’t really recommended - word to the wise.
Naturally the pain intensified and I even resorted to taking a paracetamol. I only ever take these when I am dying or have acute hangovers that stop me from exercising my right to semi-normal cognitive function.
Having overdosed on Vitamin C I am almost feeling back to normal. One thing is for sure, nothing is more important than feeling well. Hurrah - time for a green tea
A woman called her doctor to complain about her husband’s snoring. “Is there anything you can do?” “Well, there is one operation that will cure your husband, but it’s rather expensive. $1,000 plus $450 a month for 36 months.” “My god!” exclaimed the woman, “that’s like leasing a sports car!” “Hmm,” the doctor murmured. “Too obvious, eh?”
